AITA for staying home after my plans got cancelled?
TL;DR: The boyfriend tried to be a homebody after his friend bailed, but his girlfriend thought it was home‑obstruction.
The Original Post
Tonight I was supposed to be going out for drinks with a friend. The plan was to meet up in the afternoon and be out all evening and I likely wouldn't get home until around 2 am.
My girlfriend had planned to have a relaxing evening in. She had a book she wanted to start reading, a show on Netflix she wanted to finish and a game on the Nintendo Switch she wanted to play.
My friend cancelled plans as something came up. I told my gf this and she asked what I was planning instead. I told her nothing and that I'd just be at home. She reminded me that she was planning to have a relaxing evening.
I told her that I wasn't stopping her and that she could still do everything she wanted, I would just be in the apartment. I said she can still watch Netflix, play the Switch etc and that I'd likely read and watch Netflix on my laptop and then play video games when she isn't in the living room. I said I won't be disturbing her evening.
She just said she thinks I should make another plan as it won't be as relaxing for her if I'm also there as she was looking forward to a night to herself.
I pointed out it's not my fault my friend cancelled and I shouldn't have to stay out of my home just because she wants me to. I said I'm not stopping her doing what she had planned.
She just said I'm not considering her and that I should be fine with making another plan at the weekend but I refused.
AITA for spending the night at home after my plans get cancelled?
The Comments
"Asking you to force new plans or wander the streets until 2 AM just so she can watch Netflix alone is ridiculous. Her desire for solitude does not override your right to exist in your own apartment."
NTA—your right to chill is as strong as your right to Netflix.
"NTA. However, I’m an introvert and treasure my 'home alone' moments. We’ve been married more than half our lives and understand the need to recharge without being aware of someone nearby. You walking through the room to get a drink triggers the 'I need to pay attention to him because I care about him. I don’t want to treat him like a stranger in a coffee shop.' mentality."
Introverts unite, but only if you’re not the one doing the coffee shop drama.
"Yes, me too. I would be really disappointed if my partner's plans got canceled, but it doesn't seem to be a recurring thing. I wouldn't be making it an issue."
The “I’m not a drama queen” brigade, chanting “It’s not a recurring thing!”
"NTA. From a woman who rarely gets the house to herself, yes I am disappointed if my husbands plans get cancelled and I don't get my 'me time', but I would never tell him to make other plans just to get out of the house!"
The “I’d be the one who’d get mad if you left” squad.
"I do actually understand the frustration… I have this sometimes when hubby has plans then cancels - I sometimes need a 'input vaccume' and can’t get into a space of deep relax when there is someone else moving around and making noise… It’s like my body is staying in part alert of other changes in the environment… where as when I’m home alone… Complete peace… I need this sometimes."
The ‘input vaccume’ phenomenon: when your brain refuses to let you relax because someone else is moving.
TL;DR: He wanted to stay home because his buddy bailed, but his girlfriend felt like his presence was a Netflix‑in‑the‑living‑room intruder. Verdict? NTA. Just make sure you keep the living room lights off and the couch cushions in their original positions.